It’s winter here in Australia, and I’ve been thinking with much longing about our annual summer holiday in January.
This is a blog post I wrote years ago for a parenting website. I still like it.
On the Road Again
Ah, summer… time to fill the car with kids and luggage and head to the beach. Max, Lauren and I are soon off on our annual holiday, and I’ll be following my own handy hints guide on how to survive long drives with kids, which is honed from many hours of ‘are-we-there-yet’ experience.
- Preparation
Make sure your car will get you there without getting its hoses tied in a knot and having a hissy fit. Check the oil, coolant, tyres and other important things … whatever they are. Better still, ask some nice bloke to do it for you.
- Pack the car
With my current vehicle, this is an exercise in spatial logistics. It is possible to fit one adult, two children and three suitcases, along with a menagerie of stuffed toys, three boogie boards, and some personal flotation devices, snorkeling sets, groceries, CDs and MORE into a small hatchback. Not easy … but possible. Use your amazing parental powers of logic and deduction and when they don’t work just cram it in and chuck the rest in the back seat for the kids to sit on.
- Final preparation
There is one essential last-minute check. Look under the sun-visor for spiders before you get in the driver’s seat. When you cruise past Gumbuya Park and tilt the visor for a better view of the giant lyrebird attraction, you do not want a large and startled spider to drop into your lap. Trust me – you just don’t.
- Toilet stops
On this annual road trip, my kids’ bladders shrink to thimble-size, I swear. I think we are the current 500 km title holders for Most Toilet Stops. I like McDonalds toilets as they’re usually clean; however, it’s hard to get in and out of Macca’s without succumbing to the lure of French fries. Then you need a drink because the fries are so salty. Then you need another toilet stop because of the drink. It’s an endless cycle.
- Music choices
We have a democratic system of each taking turns to choose a CD. My kids’ taste in music ranges from Hi-5 to head-banging with some hip-hop in the middle, so I get to be tormented by a variety of styles. Note: The blood-curdling scream at the start of the Wolfmother track Dimension is good for banishing drowsiness.
- Games
Play games to pass the time. Our favorite is called ‘Horse’. It’s not very complicated. The first player to see such a beast says, “horse” and gets a point. The player who sees two says, “horse-horse” and gets two points. The player who says “horse” when it’s a cow loses a point. The player who says “horse” when it’s a goat needs an appointment at the optometrist when you get home.
Disputes will arise in the back seat. As you listen to your children argue about the black and white blob three miles back, be happy they are learning the art of conflict resolution. As the noise escalates to eye-gouging levels, consider a diversion tactic.
- Diversion tactics
Sing-a-longs are good fun until they do your head in. Try Ten Green Bottles or, if you’re feeling brave, Ninety-Nine Green Bottles. That will knock off some miles. It will knock off some brain cells too, but as you’ll soon be singing along to the Hi-5 Christmas Hits CD, there’s no hope for you anyway.
- Lunch
Stop for a decent break and eat something nutritious and healthy. Hey, who am I trying to kid? We stop for fish and chips, minus the fish. It’s fast, tasty, and you can eat it out of the wrapper.
- Roll call
After every stop, make sure everyone is present and accounted for. Not the kids – that’s pretty obvious. I mean the mob of stuffed toys: Scruffy, Lambsy, Bunny, et al. Imagine if Scruffy was left behind and you didn’t realize until 95 green bottles later?
- Nature
Admire the beauty of the towering eucalypts and delicate tree ferns in our national parks. Turn off the air-con, wind down the windows and breathe the fragrant air. Remember that winding roads can cause car sickness and drive slowly up and down Mt Drummer, or the fragrant air may become less fragrant.
- Nearly there!
Concentrate on your driving when you start to get tired. Request more Wolfmother if necessary. Be prepared for last-minute toilet stops. If you’re in the wilderness – far, far away from any McDonalds – just screech to a halt and shove whichever thimble-bladdered child it is this time out behind a tree.
- Celebrate success
When you finally arrive and get the kids in bed, pour yourself a glass of wine, put your feet up and review the day. No break-downs (car or personal), eye-gouging, lost toys or projectile vomiting? Yay! Mum rocks!